By far the worst part of having a farm with animals is dealing with inevitable death. It’s something that still hits me and brings me to tears, especially when it comes unannounced and before its time.
I’ve reflected on this often. We try our hardest to meet the needs of our animals, but parasites, old age, cancer, sicknesses or predators take their toll.
I mourn a once puffed up and glorious rooster, a frail chick unable to break from its shell, a bottle fed lamb who was too weak to survive, a lifelong dog companion, or a noble, magnificent and trusted horse. The last breath brings a heaviness beyond words.
Death is a loss of grandeur. A destruction of beauty. Death is evil.
Death is a marring of the divine imprint, the holy becoming profane.
I consider family, friends, and even strangers which have died that remain in my conscience. Two if my classmates died in grade school, four of my classmates died in my Senior year of High School. Grandparents, a miscarriage, and nieces. Each a beating heart. I’m not alone in this, we all have tasted it to some degree.
There is a yearning for what was and what could- we believe what should- have been. In many cases death is a tragedy for those who are left behind to mourn. They lose loved ones which they relied upon.
I’ve been afraid to die my whole life. Whether the act itself or for those I leave behind that will mourn. In our twenty years of marriage, I’ve been afraid of my wife dying. The thought of losing her amazing companionship and support in raising our kids is enough to cause a true panic attack.
But who are we to say what should be or what should have been?
I realize now on Yom Kippur as we search ourselves that this is a lack of trust in our Father.
In reading through Hebrews we see that Yeshua actually broke this bondage of slavery to the fear of dying. I read this today like I’ve never seen it before. This is perhaps the greatest fear in the world- and it has been for millennia. Yeshua freed us from this fear so that we can live.
“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he [Yeshua] himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.”- Hebrews 2:14–15 (ESV)
I am reminded also that Death is not just an event, it is an enemy. And, it is an enemy that will be destroyed- but not until every other enemy has been destroyed. I find comfort in this, for what purpose would it be to live for in a world of pain and suffering?
“Then comes the end, when he [Yeshua] delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death.” -1 Corinthians 15:24–26 (ESV)
When understanding these things, that Yeshua freed us from the fear of death, that in the end Death will be defeated, how then shall we live?
What is life? Is it merely existence?
When we consider that life originally came from the breath of God- then we see that life truly only continues to come from him.
“Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days. Deuteronomy 30:19–20 (ESV)
I also am reminded of Paul, who longed to meet Yeshua. The breath and spirit departing the body is not the end of the story.
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.” Philippians 1:21–24 (ESV)
I hope and pray to be able to live a full long life. As much as I do not want to die, to leave those I love and who depend upon me, I realize that ultimately it isn’t my decision or ability to change. What I can do is strive to follow God, to seek his Kingdom and righteousness. In that way, I can truly live during the days He has allowed for me. And, I have to trust He will take care of my family, just as He has until this point.
The promise that God offers when we follow him, enabled through the death of Messiah, allows us to truly live. To be released from the fear of death. To live fearlessly.
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